bLizzard schmizzard.

darn it, darn it, darn it. i woke up today and i Looked outside me window and there's a bLizzard. a bLizzard. and i thought the warm weather was aLready a good sign that we was gonna have an earLy spring. {2 weeks peopLe, 2 fuckin whoLe weeks without knickers i went outside my fLat and it was sooooooo good to just wear somethng without Layers}. and now there's a bLizzard outside. a fuckin bLizzard.

and it's supposed to be the Last day of the spring festivaL season, the Lantern festivaL with aLL the fire works and sweet baLL thingie soups {they caLL it tang yuan here} and shit.

it's gLobaL warming i teLL ya. gLobaL fucking warming. aLL the fucking CFC's and KFCs and any three lettered acronym that ends with a C are trying to make a fucking grand comeback and a wake up caLL. aL gore was right, and the rest of the green brigade. we need to change the way we consume our naturaL resources and the way we spend our nationaL budgets. fucking free market economy shouLd rethink itseLf. that incLudes us. us. you. me. yer grannies. yer other haLves. yer secret haLves aside from yer other haLves. yer househoLd heLp. yer fuckin presidents. yer tax guy. yer fuckbuddy. yer preacher. yer bestfriend. yer crush. yer popstar. US.

damnit enuff of the preachin and time for some bLoggin.

i had a reiki session with wendy the other night. damn was she good. she reaLLy went aLL the way with the scents, oiLs, crystaLs, tarot cards and shit. it was so good that i dozed off on me tummy in the middLe of the session. good thing there was taibshe {her cat} who kept me awake because he kept Licking my right arm from time to time. i guess he Likes oLive oiL. by the way, i never knew that cat tongues feeL Like sand paper. i wunder what their tastebuds are Like?

anyways, after the reiki session, wendy gave me a reading. and it was kind of reveaLing. the cards actuaLLy vaLidated some of the things that have been swimming in my head for the past year or so.

reiki's just so kewL.

i've been faithfuL to my yoga {3 months and going strong}. i'm pLanning to do piLates too and then gym. yeah, you proLLy have figured out aLready that i Live quite a sorry Life that i need to vaLidate my existence by maintaining my 60 kiLograms. whut can i say? i'm shaLLow, so screw you. {kidding}

speaking of piLates. it's so fucking funny, the whoLe thing. i was Laughing my ass off whiLe i was doing piLates two nights ago. you see, i bought this set of vids on piLates. it said on the cover, "piLates for men" and it had a picture of some marLboro guy that had 12 pack abs or something who was doing some piLates pose. so yeah, i said to myseLf, fuck i've been meaning to have jesus abs then why not try fucking piLates. so i bought it. then Later that night, i tried the first vid {beginners} and i was Like, ok this is easy kinda Like yoga. but when the guy on the vid {jonathan urLa or something} told me to roLL over and hoLd my feet and so and so and cLap Like a fucking sea Lion from ocean park and sea worLd, that reaLLy set me off Laughin. imagine a grown man Lying on his back roLLing forwards and backwards and cLapping Like a seaL whiLe waiting for a fish treat from the hunky trainor in speedos. i did it anyways. i even made seaL sounds. fuck that shit. i Luved it. i was teary eyed because of the utter stupidity of the whoLe thing.

but
but
BUT
here's the kicker...

the next morning, my abs hurt Like heLL. i mean Like heLL.the Last time my abs feLt Like this was when i was 16 and i masturbated for 45 minutes under a mango tree in the middLe of the rice fieLd many summers ago {oooh those were the days my friend... those wer the days}. i have to say that piLates totaLLy rocked my abs. fuck you'd Look stupid i mean reaLLy stupid doing it but i don't care if i need to cLap Like a seaL Lion or jump Like a chimp or do the fucking hokey pokey as Long as it does the work, fuck i'm in!

jesus abs here i cum!

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updateupdateupdate

i am never ever... everrrrrrrr going to do what i just did again. never. ever. cross my fucking heart and i hope that my dead grandmother cut off me baLLs and feed it to the dogs of hades if i ever do.

one piece of unsolicited advise kids.

NEVER FUCKING GO OUT DURING A BLIZZARD. NEVER. NEVER. EVERRRRRRR.

not even if james van der beek is waiting for your sorry ass at the gate. not even if it means cLaudia fucking schiffer is gonna give you some mindbLowing sex after. not even if the queen of fucking engLand or tumbuktu makes you an honorary member of the royaL fucking famiLy.

never.

and don't say i didn't warn you.