Summa has cometh! Forrest Gumping my Ass. Running Tunes.

Ahhhhh yes it has cummeth, and jizzeth it has a plenty. Warm days in Beijing make me all tingly in me boxers. I'm finally wearing shorts and flipflops at work. Gawd I love my flip flops. I just feel so liberated baring my dirty toenails for all the world to see {which reminds me - clean thy toenails}. Summer in Beijing became official in my book when the hotel maid gave me back the remote control for my air conditioner. I came back from work and there she was, the housekeeping attendant in all her housekeeping glory, holding the air conditioner remote control with a smile on her face. It's like I was receiving an award or something. I almost cried mind you. Not that I am crazy about air conditioning {although Its turned right now}, its just that I love summer. I adore it. The sun. The heat. The flip flops. Cold drinks. The beach. Scantily clad men. Speedos. Pina Coladas. Thinking about it just makes me want to jizz tenfold. Summer makes me wanna wear flipflops and it makes me want to listen to summery tunes and shit. I could go to work skipping like a bunny rabbit. Which I did this morning. Truly. Well, nobody was looking. And besides I was listening to a Mudvayne song and I felt like skipping.

I've been running a lot lately. Like 5 times a week on average. I wanted to join a marathon but it required a joining fee {like hell no!}. Like, so what if I can't join the Great Wall Kiddie Marathon. I can run by myself, thank you. I mean, Forrest Gump didn't join a friggen marathon and yet he achieved god-like status in the runners' world, huh! So yeah, I like running. Its sorta like becoming my zen. I never knew what ''second wind'' meant until I took up running. It feels so good. Its not like having sex. Well, its somewhat close to having sex but the thrill is a bit different. There's this rush, this adrenaline that you feel coursing through your veins that pushes you to take one more step even if you know that your body is almost about to give up.Its like yer balls are on fire in a good way. And it feels so good. There is no other way to put it. It just feels good for me.

I'm not saying that I've reached Nirvana or anything for that matter. I'm too shallow for that, I think; or rather I am not yet prepared for something like that. For some people however, running is a spiritual experience. The horizon, the point where the sky and the earth meet, is the juice that drives the runner to be kinetic. Its like a drug for some. She is like this expensive whore that you cannot have because you're short of a few hundred bucks. The runner is the John. She teases the John. The John keeps advancing towards the her, hoping she would give in. But she doesn't. She's unmoved. She doesn't ignore the John and she doesn't give in either. She is unattainable. She's Communism. She's Nirvana and Heaven. She's the Eternal Supermodel and the Porn Goddess Fantastic. She exists solely for the magnanimity of the earth and the sky. And yes, she is beautiful. Although the runner knows that he shall never have her, he persists still and moves forward for he is completely enamored by the idea of having her, this unattainable whore. And that very idea is his salvation. His Rapture. So he moves forward.

Whoa.
Dude that was kinda deep.
And I wasn't even smoking.
I think its the noodles I ate this lunchtime.

Bleh! Like I told you, I am not THAT spiritual yet. Yeah, sometimes I do get the tingly feeling I'm-one-with-nature-shit whenever I run, but only when I put on my nature-sport deodorant I-dunno-whatsitsname. It smells good. In fact it doesn't even smell like ''mother nature''. I like the smell though. Every so often whenever I'm running, I am tempted to get a wiff of my pits especially around the time when I'm starting to pick up my pace and I'm already breaking sweat. The smell of sweat and that deodorant just makes me want to jizz the pavement something awful. DON'T WORRY, I don't smell my pits in public - only when no one's looking. I'm sure there are laws against smelling yer pits in public and I seriously don't want to go to prison not unless I am inmates with Johnny Longbow, Mario Cojones, Bone St. James and the dude from Power Rangers.

It's nothing spiritual for me, running. It's more primal, I guess. I love the fact that I am sweating and forrest gumping my ass all over town and smelling like ''mother nature'' minus the cow manure and decaying flesh of dead animals. And the music. Duuuuuude the music is awesome when yer running. Its like it becomes better. Like any music becomes better when yer running. Even Celine Dion with all her screeching belts and nyaaaaahs and oooohs and waaaaaaahs becomes Celine Dioner. Truly. Music and running are like peanut butter and jelly.


Here are some of the music that I listen to right now whenever I run.

1. Run Barbie Run - Eraserheads {Awesome song! a good way to start my running}
2. At Last - Celine Dion Version {I tell you, it's Celine Dioner}
3. Anything from Ella Fitzgerald's Cole Porter Songbook Album
4. Anything from Mudvayne
5. Living on a Prayer - Bon Jovi
6. I'm Waiting for My Man - Velvet Underground
7. Anything from Jimi Hendrix's Electric Ladyland Album
8. Anything from Eels Daisies in the Galaxy Album
9. Green Day's St. Jimmy {Saaaaaaaaaint Jimeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!}
10. Anything from the Ataris
11. Dean Gray's American Edit {mashup}
12. The Beastie Boys {Body Movin! is on top of my list}
13. Anything from Erykah Badu
14. Jump - Pointer Sisters {fuck you I like it}
15. Symphony No. 9 - Beethoven the Georg Solti Version {its like I'm running in the Olympics}
16. Bat Out of Hell - Meatloaf {nobody sings it better than Meatloaf, and yeah, his titties are nice too}
17. Anything from the Foo Fighters
18. 100 Years - Five for Fighting {I feel like I'm in a Dawson's Crack set whenever I'm playing this Song}
19. Soukura - Ali Farka Toure {this song is always, like always in my playlist}
20. Hine Ani Ba - Hadag Nachash
21. Anything from Panic at the Disco!
22. Red Hot Chilli Peppers' Stadium Arcadium
23. Anything from Asher Roth
24. Anything from Third Eye Blind
25. Lithium - Nirvana
26. Anything from Jack Johnson
27. Brown Eyed Handsome Man - Nina Simone
28. Take Me to the Water - Nina Simone
29. Ain't Got No - Nina Simone & Groove Finder Mix
30. Anything from the Kaiser Cheifs
31. Anything from Want One and Want Two by Rufus Wainright
32. Ray of Light - Madonna
33. I Like It, I Love It - Tim McGraw {fuck you I love country}
34. Bob Dylan's Hey Mr. Tambourine Man and Talking New York
35. Five Year's Time - Noah and the Whale
36. Recycled Air - Postal Service
37. Mr. Blue Sky - The Delgados
    

Aight. Omar's gotta bounce. I need to put on my deodorant me running duds. Daddy's gotta run.

Shlong Post: Karaoke. Beijing Marathon.

I have to confess that the last 3 weeks have been really terrible for me. I won't go into details but it has just taken a toll out of me and I needed a breather of some sort.   Three days ago, my horoscope told me to chill and relax because my Dharma is getting fucked up.  So that I did.  After three long weeks of isolation, I decided to social.

I met up with my Brit friends last night in Sanlitun {the touristy bar district in Beijing} because it was one of them Brits' birthdays.  I love meeting the Brits. It's like every time I meet up with them I always meet new people.  Just last night I met an American girl who is Scientology curious, an American dude slash artist who spoke awesome Chinese {well he's Chinese American}, two really kewl German girls who are on an internship with EU based NPO's and  and American dude who can really sing a good Ray Charles cover.  The experience always makes me feel refreshed after {and drunk}.  Its prolly because of their youthfulness, or them just being sort of a weird bunch {in a good way}, or the alcohol or just plain nice and old company, but fuck I like meeting up with them.  OK, it was one of them Brits birthdays yeah.  After finishing up with a Cabernet and two pitchers of ice cold margaritas, one of them suddenly had an idea of going to a KTV bar.  I dunno if some of my readers are familiar with the word KTV but it just means karaoke here in China.  I've told you in this blog that I am not a huge fan of karaoke. I mean, I can deal with karaoke for an hour but after that I just get bored and shit.  I mean, I usually sing songs but in my head and shit but not really in a karaoke bar. Its like I always end up sitting in the corner finishing a pack of cigarettes after my threshold hour.  Speaking of KTVs, the Chinese really take their KTV's seriously.  The KTVs in Beijing {and I reckon in many big cities in China} are so swanky and ginormous. They're also expensive {We found that part later on}.

Suprisingly though,  I was able to stay and have fun for the whole time.  It was prolly because that I was so drunk.  I even sang a coupla songs {I don't remember them though, I think it was an Annie Lennox song and one was a Green Day song, meh whatevs}.

I was so drunk and tired and sleepy that night so I decided to crash in the Brits' place.  I met their puppy Lyka {named after the first dog in space,  but Lyke the Brits' dog doesn't understand Russian though}.  The pup kept slobbering me {she's the touchy feely kinda puppy} and I've been told that she loves to bite.  Nice.  My kind of pup.  {Speaking of canines, I have another interesting story to tell you which involves another canine}. So yeah, I slept and woke up early like waaaaay early for me on a Sunday mornin' {9 am},  I never got to say goodbye to them Brits because they were all still asleep.  I took the taxi goin' back to my apartment hoping that I could make it there in twenty minutes because I was still sleepy and I completely forgot about the Beijing marathon {in which my boss was runnin'}.  I never made it to my apartment. I was almost there, like only 500 meters more then I'm in my apartment, but the road was blocked because of the marathon.  I had to wait for the road to be opened which means I had to just sit there on the side waiting for the marathoners to finish passing by.  I couldn't cross the road because there were like a gazillion policemen guarding the roadblock, they prolly woulda shot me if I tried.  So yeah,  I stayed {nothing much I could do really} there and watch them pass me by.  Man,  I have to hand it to these dudes,  it takes major balls and ovaries to run a marathon.  I mean, I like running, but I dunno if I can run 46 km non stop.  I prolly woulda bled to death trying.  I took shitloads of pics , but I ccouldn't post all of them here. So here are some.

there were a lotta shirtless dudes 

like this one for example.  he wasn't running though.  he was mostly panting. 

this dude reminds me of the dude from REM

the dude ran with two flags the whole time! FTW I woulda bled to death doin that.

love this picture

the cutest dude in the marathon.  OK there were a lotta cute dudes but this one gets my vote.  we kinda had a moment.  I was takin pictures and he kinda slowed down and looked directly at the camera because he thought I was takin his pic {I was takin the police dude's pic}. i nodded at him and he nodded.  he smiled and i smiled. then he left the course and we checked in to a run down motel and we made babies to last us till the next winter.  

Omar's winning moment

i went bowling today with a coupla my friends and this picture was the actually the best bowling stance that i could produce. i know, i look like a dork... or worse, an endangered specie from a national geographic documentary. i could already hear the theme song playing in my head. sadly, not one pin was hurt in this try. sports shmorts. hmph. i should just stick with masturbating.