sick

i am sick. so sick. so so so so so sick right now. i've been cooped up in my flat for three whole days now. and it's such a bore. my flat is so clean that my floor is screaming already.

so here i am, in me sweatpants and bob marley tees and my most comfy socks, typing this blog entry. funny i haven't lost my appetite, which is really surprising coz i thought sick people have the tendency not to eat too much. but, good news. i haven't smoked a fag since i woke up.

i'm listening to meryll streep's narration of the velveteen rabbit.

oh yeah, these are prolly the most comfortable socks in the whole wide world. they're russian made and they're unbelievable warm and comfy. perfect for sick feet.

meh. i'm still sick.

clogged nose

i've been kinda down with the bug for 3 days now. been sneezing and sniffing Like heLL. jerking off couLdn't reaLLy uncLog my nose so i gave up on that. been breathing through me mouth. and i seriousLy need nose drops.

i think i'LL run today. might heLp me with my fucked up nose.

sigh times Like these when i have a cLogged nose i start to miss peopLe.

right now, i miss...

my mother. especiaLLy her sinigang with Lotsa Lotsa gabi. and yeah the tocino too
aLLan and auch
dreux
ceLLe and sang and...
5
sigh. somebody give me nose drops.

interesting night i had. was watching a movie when i received a caLL from engLand. :) that's aLL i'm gonna say. and yeah, thanks for the caLL. reaLLy appreciate it. kinda made my day.

LiLac wine. fuck jeff buckLey's ghost is in my bathtub right now.

it's been singin in me head for the whoLe day now.

jeff buckLey is awesome. too bad he's dead. but hey, it makes his songs more interesting, i guess.

the voice, it's fuckin ethereaL at it makes my spine tingLe. kinda reminds me of antony this Lead singer from some band i forgot its name {i think it's anthony and the johnsons, not sure though}. and i thought nina simone and regina spektor rocked my baLLs, then outta the blue, a dead man came and shook it.



peopLe, if you haven't heard of the great and Late jeff buckLey, then you oughta dogpiLe, googLe, yahoo, Limewire him.

make sure to Listen to the foLLowing

LiLac wine
haLLeLujah
satisfied mind
uLaLume



and yeah, did i mention that he was a dreamboat too?

dreams

i woke up early from a dream of protests rallies, a former high school classmate who went amok shooting everyone in sight {including me} and a super cute mohinder from HEROES inviting me to join the militia while holding my hand.

Flickr

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

were number one! yoowhoooooo!!!!!!?

got that right foLks. my coconut repubLic is number one in aLL of ASIA. take note in aLL caps - WE'RE NUMBER ONE IN ALL OF ASIA. jeeez. i never thought i'd Live to see the day when my country is recognized by the worLd body for being something. it aLmost brings tears to my eyes, reaLLy. Like i onLy need to pLuck a nose hair or summat just to Let the fLoodgates open.

and to whom do we owe this prestigious honor?

weLL the SO CALLED POWERS THAT FUCKIN BE of course! with the speciaL backing from our trusted miLitary.

FUCKING KUDOS, YOU ASSHOLES.

TO TELL YOU FRANKLY I'M GETTING FUCKING TIRED OF EXPLAINING WHAT THE SITUATION IS AND WHATEVER THERE IS LEFT OF MY REPUBLIC. I THANK YOU WITH ALL OF MY CHOLESTEROL INFESTED HEART FOR MAKING GOOD USE OF THE FUCKING TAXES THAT I {AND ALL OF THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THEIR ASSES OFF} HAVE TO PAY SO THAT MY FAMILY AND THE FUCKING PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT WOULD FEEL SAFE AND PROTECTED AND CARED FOR BY THE LAW AND THE CONSTITUTION.

AND WHILE WE'RE AT IT...

THANK YOU FOR KILLING THEM TERRORIST PEOPLE EVIL DOERS WHO JUST HAPPENED TO BE POOR PEASANT FOLK AND MISSIONARIES AND STUDENTS AND GRASS ROOTS CIVIC LEADERS. THANK YOU. IT REALLY MAKES ME FEEL A WHOLE LOT BETTER KNOWING YOU'RE KILLING TERRORISTS. I FEEL SO MUCH SAFER NOW. THANK YOU. THANK YOU FOR BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS. THANK YOU. AND I HOPE YOU FUCKING CHOKE ON WHATEVER YOU'RE EATING RIGHT NOW WITH NO ONE WITHIN A FIVE MILE RADIUS TO ADMINISTER THE HEIMLICH MANEUVER.

i rarely talk about politics, mind you and i hate the word. but even an asshoLe Like me has Limits. the resuLts of the study made by that hongkong based organization whatevershitithatis was just pushing the enveLope waaay to far. it is shamefuL. shamefuL. and we caLL ourseLves a repubLic? it doesn't even come cLose to fucking cuba. in aLL sincerity cuba may many things{some true some not} BUT IT IS NOT THE REPUBLIC OF THE PHILIPPINES. shamefuL. shamefuL.

my friend was right all along... terrorism is just a fancy word used by people with money.

well here's two words for you fuckers in power... and better take this to heart...

FUCK YOU

the reaL revoLution that you've been dreading wiLL come in a whisper spoken by the very chiLdren you bLeed at this moment.

today's fucking pi day! if yer a pi enthusiast then this day is definiteLy yer day.
click on piDay.org for more info!
happy pi day!

and happy birthday to me bro jepoy. thaaaaaaaaanks so much for the braceLet and the Love man. brothers, yeah.

hehe. to 5. weLL, how's about we make it to 5 ok? 123

ALOHA WELCOME TO CHINA WINTER WONDERLAND FESTIVAL STAY WARM WITH EXTRA MAYO THANK YOU AND COME AGAIN IF YOU PLEASE...

a funny and sorta irritating thing happend during my Lunch break today. whiLe i was going out to get me some chao mian, i noticed that peopLe who passed me by kept Looking at my groin area... so i started to wonder. i mean wtf man, i now i wasn't hard and aLL {Like i couLd bareLy feeL my genitaLs coz of the weather}. and i knew that me fLy wasn't open coz i check it Like a miLLion times a day {i had coz i had a bad experience before with a chinese woman in her 60's and with my open fLy}. so peopLe were Lookin. men, women, senior citizens, mothers with their kids, fuck, peopLe. so i was thinkin, man wtf is wrong with me crotch!? i was starting to get reaL annoyed so i went to a street corner to Look at my groin area and see for myseLf what the fuck was wrong. and there it was... a strip of used scotch tape with some green paper sticking out, dangLing on my groin area. waving at the peopLe who happen to see it Like its trying to say - ALOHA WELCOME TO CHINA WINTER WONDERLAND FESTIVAL STAY WARM WITH EXTRA MAYO THANK YOU COME AGAIN IF YOU PLEASE. fuckit, i didn't even know how it got there. kLutz!

fuckin kLutz. i shouLd get an award for being one. reaLLy, i'm one major kLutz. why so? weLL, Lookit

1. i forget my apartment keys aLL the time. i even have a fucking fruitbowL for my apartment keys so i wont forget but they aLways end up in the kitchen, in the bathroom, under my sofa or whereever as Long as its not the fruitbowL for my apartment keys! {NOTE TO SELF PUT YOUR APARTMENT KEYS IN THE FUCKING FRUITBOWL}

2. once i forgot that i was actuaLLy boiLing water and i Left me fLat for one whoLe hour and then i onLy reaLized that i was actuaLLy boiLIng hot water when peopLe started caLLing my ceLL because they thought there was a fire in my fLat. {they actuaLLy thought i was unconscious or summat and they were prepared to break the door and caLL the fucking fire brigade}

3. i keep forgetting what day is it in the week. Like today. i thought it was fucking sunday - TWICE, AND WITH THE FUCKING SAME PERSON!

4. whenever i eat rice, some bits and pieces aLways happen to stick themseLves to my jeans. i aLways find out days Later or worse, whenever i'm doing the Laundry.

5. most of my friends say, that i send text messages twice, sometimes even three times. i dunno why, but LteLy they say it rareLy happens. weLL thank god for that.

6. i pee in my sLeep. i keep banging on door frames and arches and shit. ask nina. she'LL teLL you. gawd. it's Like i'm stiLL in puberty and i have fuckin pubes aLready.

7. open fLy. aLways. i hate it. Like i said, one time a 60 year old chinese woman trying to mime that YOU'RE FLY IS OPEN STOOPID in my face. there was another incident with an open fLy and a ratty underwear. jeez. embarassing i teLL ya. never ever die wearing ratty underwear.

enuff of that shit. i'm a kLutz. period. but i try to keep myself in check. i mean, i don't want to continuaLLy embarass myseLf. there's a saying, once bitten, twice shy... twice bitten weLL fuck it yer one stupid Lame assed fooL.

K. so what if i'm a kLutz? i mean. fuckit. i think i'm adorabLe {hey i gotta Love myseLf ok!}. speaking of adorabLe. two girLs sorta "proposed" to me and toLd me they wanted to be my girLfriend {if they onLy knew}. both chinese. one was amanda and the other one was moLLy. amanda, this coworker of mine, toLd me this morning that my Long hair was reaLLy super kewL and it went weLL with the goattee thing on my face and she toLd me in chinese that she wants me to be her boyfriend for the day. she was joking of course. i was Like, ok. she's waaay taLLer than me and she has this hair thing going on {most of the chinese girLs in this city have a hair thing going on so bad that they need intervention}. she's bubbLy and shit and reaL nice. so yeah, i toLd her. ohhhkay. but the best proposaL was from this chinese kid, moLLy. the girL is 5 years oLd, but she's fuckin awesome. she was waiting for her mom or something and then shje noticed that i was a foreigner. i was on a break so i decided to pLay with her {mind outta the gutter pLeeaaaase. shame on you , you fuckers}. so i was teaching her how to do sumo wrestLing and shit and teaching her some engLish words and phrases. but the kid's engLish is just way fucking phenomenaL, i mean for a 6 year oLd. i was teaching her the phrase I'M SO HUNGRY I COULD EAT.... so she said "I'M SO HUNGRY I COULD EAT YOU!" and then she proceeded to bite my arm and make sLurping sounds. i was Like ohhhhkay! the girL was cute. she even toLd me in chinese that i was deLicious and i was cute and pretty {yep, pretty}. imagine! {FUCK THAT SHIT. IF THE ONE OF THE GUYS THAT I DATED BACK IN COLLEGE EVEN HAD LIKE 10% OF MOLLY'S SWEETNESS I WOULDA GOTTEN MY ASS HITCHED AND WOULDA GIVEN BIRTH TO 8 CHILDREN} then she asked me in chinese if i wouLd Like to eat her if i'm hungry. i was Like, yeah definiteLy {in chinese}. the kid cracked me up. reaLLy. big time. it made my day. i even forgot about the nasty scotch tape incident during my Lunch break. she hugged my Leg when before she went home with her mom.

kids. you gotta Love'm. they're so cute. and cuddLy. i wish i couLd get them with batteries and a return poLicy.

green with envy . Lucky bastards

i just realized that it's summer in my coconut repubLic. damnit. and it's stiLL freezing here. it snowed again yesterday. {makes a sad face}

it's 6 am here in the noodLe kingdom {gotta be at work in two hours}. i hate this. peopLe are proLLy headed to the beaches and shit, wearing nothing but a thong and a bandana. not that i'm envious of them wearing thongs {Like eeew}. and here i am nursing my coffee wearing my canary yeLlow bathrobe at 6 fuckin am. jesus, i can't even feeL my baLLs. when yer in the tropics yer baLLs just dangLe and sway like a fuckin penduLum. but here, it's just fuckin miniscuLe Like a fuckin sunmaid raisin.

ok, i'm green with envy. i wish i were at some warm pLace right now. swimming. running. waLking. eating icecream or Letting it meLt in my warm mouth. with 5. with my bestfriends. with my famiLy. with my paroLe officer. but noooooooo, i have to go to work and be a whore. fuck i can even hear the wind outside {think katabactic winds - i dunno if it's the right speLLing , too Lazy to check and fucknot}.

i'm thinkin...
maybe i shouLd move to a warmer country... Like argentina for exampLe {is it warm?} and be a waiter. i think i can wait on tables. or maybe serve drinks. or dance the fucking tango with some 60 something widow{/er}. i haveta go anyways, i'm gonna be Late for work.

what to do. what to do.

fag. coffee. shower. dress {think 3 kiLos of cLothing}. fag. coffee. cab.

somebody pLease save me from this winter.

thought for the day

why is it that we always look at our turd {shit} before we fLush'em? don't teLL me you don't Look {even just a gLance}. i have this theory that aLL perfectLy normaL human beings Look at their turd before they fLush. whuddya think?

bLizzard schmizzard.

darn it, darn it, darn it. i woke up today and i Looked outside me window and there's a bLizzard. a bLizzard. and i thought the warm weather was aLready a good sign that we was gonna have an earLy spring. {2 weeks peopLe, 2 fuckin whoLe weeks without knickers i went outside my fLat and it was sooooooo good to just wear somethng without Layers}. and now there's a bLizzard outside. a fuckin bLizzard.

and it's supposed to be the Last day of the spring festivaL season, the Lantern festivaL with aLL the fire works and sweet baLL thingie soups {they caLL it tang yuan here} and shit.

it's gLobaL warming i teLL ya. gLobaL fucking warming. aLL the fucking CFC's and KFCs and any three lettered acronym that ends with a C are trying to make a fucking grand comeback and a wake up caLL. aL gore was right, and the rest of the green brigade. we need to change the way we consume our naturaL resources and the way we spend our nationaL budgets. fucking free market economy shouLd rethink itseLf. that incLudes us. us. you. me. yer grannies. yer other haLves. yer secret haLves aside from yer other haLves. yer househoLd heLp. yer fuckin presidents. yer tax guy. yer fuckbuddy. yer preacher. yer bestfriend. yer crush. yer popstar. US.

damnit enuff of the preachin and time for some bLoggin.

i had a reiki session with wendy the other night. damn was she good. she reaLLy went aLL the way with the scents, oiLs, crystaLs, tarot cards and shit. it was so good that i dozed off on me tummy in the middLe of the session. good thing there was taibshe {her cat} who kept me awake because he kept Licking my right arm from time to time. i guess he Likes oLive oiL. by the way, i never knew that cat tongues feeL Like sand paper. i wunder what their tastebuds are Like?

anyways, after the reiki session, wendy gave me a reading. and it was kind of reveaLing. the cards actuaLLy vaLidated some of the things that have been swimming in my head for the past year or so.

reiki's just so kewL.

i've been faithfuL to my yoga {3 months and going strong}. i'm pLanning to do piLates too and then gym. yeah, you proLLy have figured out aLready that i Live quite a sorry Life that i need to vaLidate my existence by maintaining my 60 kiLograms. whut can i say? i'm shaLLow, so screw you. {kidding}

speaking of piLates. it's so fucking funny, the whoLe thing. i was Laughing my ass off whiLe i was doing piLates two nights ago. you see, i bought this set of vids on piLates. it said on the cover, "piLates for men" and it had a picture of some marLboro guy that had 12 pack abs or something who was doing some piLates pose. so yeah, i said to myseLf, fuck i've been meaning to have jesus abs then why not try fucking piLates. so i bought it. then Later that night, i tried the first vid {beginners} and i was Like, ok this is easy kinda Like yoga. but when the guy on the vid {jonathan urLa or something} told me to roLL over and hoLd my feet and so and so and cLap Like a fucking sea Lion from ocean park and sea worLd, that reaLLy set me off Laughin. imagine a grown man Lying on his back roLLing forwards and backwards and cLapping Like a seaL whiLe waiting for a fish treat from the hunky trainor in speedos. i did it anyways. i even made seaL sounds. fuck that shit. i Luved it. i was teary eyed because of the utter stupidity of the whoLe thing.

but
but
BUT
here's the kicker...

the next morning, my abs hurt Like heLL. i mean Like heLL.the Last time my abs feLt Like this was when i was 16 and i masturbated for 45 minutes under a mango tree in the middLe of the rice fieLd many summers ago {oooh those were the days my friend... those wer the days}. i have to say that piLates totaLLy rocked my abs. fuck you'd Look stupid i mean reaLLy stupid doing it but i don't care if i need to cLap Like a seaL Lion or jump Like a chimp or do the fucking hokey pokey as Long as it does the work, fuck i'm in!

jesus abs here i cum!

***********************************

updateupdateupdate

i am never ever... everrrrrrrr going to do what i just did again. never. ever. cross my fucking heart and i hope that my dead grandmother cut off me baLLs and feed it to the dogs of hades if i ever do.

one piece of unsolicited advise kids.

NEVER FUCKING GO OUT DURING A BLIZZARD. NEVER. NEVER. EVERRRRRRR.

not even if james van der beek is waiting for your sorry ass at the gate. not even if it means cLaudia fucking schiffer is gonna give you some mindbLowing sex after. not even if the queen of fucking engLand or tumbuktu makes you an honorary member of the royaL fucking famiLy.

never.

and don't say i didn't warn you.

so it is possible for two men to do ballroom.