Creepy Tuesday

I was not supposed to blog till next month { i needed a breather on life }, but I just had to post something because I need therapy or something remotely close to it because i am so scarred right now. Be warned readers, this is a lousy blog post { like the others were not, meh }.

I just came back from the gym, dripping wet. The weather forecast this morning said it was going to rain, and it did. Stupid me forgot to bring my manbrella { meaning an umbrella for men that really looks like an ordinary umbrella, but my itsy bitsy machismo nature just doesn't want to accept the fact that men in general, gay men included, do use umbrellas - thus the name manbrella which is totally lame, I know }. So yeah I'm dripping wet like a stray dog trying to find my master while Michael Jackson's "Ben" is playin' in the background. That is not the reason why I am blogging though. I'm just saying it rained a lot today { I told you this was a lame post }.

The reason why I am blogging right now is because of this girl that I met at the gym.

*The phone is actually ringing right now and I am never gonna answer it. It has Kathy Bates written all over my caller id.*

I didn't actually meet her, per se. She approached me while I was doing my shoulder presses. She asked for the time. I told her what time it was { it was a quarter till six... later during the interrogation, I noticed that she had a wristwatch on }. I thought that was that since I told her the time already. Then she went on to ask if I was Chinese. I told her no. Then it began. She went on about that she's been to Singapore this and that and she wants to make friends with me this and that and that she wants to learn English this and that and that my Chinese was quite ok for a foreigner this and that and where was I working this and that and where do I live this and that and where was I from. She hasn't told her name yet and she hasn't asked for mine either when that monologue was taking place. I should have just walked away { I know Nina will tell me "I told you so" } but I didn't because I wanted to win the Ms. Congeniality title because I'm sure as hell won't win the photogenic award or the swimsuit or the question and answer. Segue ... This is what I really don't like about myself. I CAN'T SAY NO. A while ago, I was at the bookstore and I saw a book on SAYING NO. I shoulda bought the fucker instead of the Murakami that I have been salivating on for months. I'm fucking hopeless, that's what I am. Back to the post.

So she finally asked for my name. I told her my Chinese name and she gave me her English name. Then she asked for my number. I told her my number { hit me with a brick Nina, and make it a double }. I shoulda given her the wrong number. Fuck why do I keep forgetting the giveyourfakephonenumber tactic whenever some creepy person that reeks of Kathy Bates in Misery asks for my phone number. I am fucked, big time.

It was a good thing that her cycling class was about to start so she said goodbye and shit. She did try to persuade me to go join her in the cycling class. I wanted to tell her that I wanted to pump iron and look stupid coz maybe, JUUUUST maybe the cute trainer would come to me and show me the proper positions........... but I held my tongue. I told her that I had to finish my routine. She let me go then, thank heavens. And I thought that it was finally over. But like any other suspense thriller that is set in a gym under a rainy weather with The Carpenters music playing on the background, it gets worse.

An hour passes. I was finished with the weights and I was now doing sit ups. My mp3 player was playing Meatloaf so I was totally psyched in my sit ups and shit. Then I felt a tap on my shoulder. IT WAS HER !!! { Wilhelm scream sounds in the background then Carpenter music plays - Don't you remember you told me you loved me baby.... music fades } She was asking me if I already have someone special. I could've told her I'm gay but it would've made matters worse { believe me, it would've, not unless the gym that I am currently enrolled in is a gay gym }. Hoping that it would shut her up, I told her that I have one but SHE is now in the States. I shoulda told her that my girlfriend is here in China. It actually gave her hope. Fuck I so suck in making up stories. Then she asked me about my opinion in marriage and shit and I told her that I didn't believe in the idea of marriage. Then she asked if I was ok with interracial relationships then I told her I was. Then she asks if I can have a Chinese girlfriend, fuck I said yeah its ok {coz I was ok with interracial relationships}. All these questions were asked while I was doing my situps which was really annoying so I had to stop doing sit ups. Then she went on that she's ok with interracial relationships and if I could introduce her a nice foreign guy, someone nice and shit as long as the guy is not black. Now I had to stop her and ask why. I mean fuck, I'm sure that she's prolly just misinformed or whatnot so I told her that I do have friends who are black. She said blacks don't smell good and they "look different" and they have a different way of thinking and shit like that. Don't smell good? Look different. Well I know that some Europeans still do it but armpit hair is just so 17th century France. And with her WAY OF THINKING, anything would absolutely be radical and visionary. Fuck, how racist can you get? She must have sensed my annoyance so she decides to change the subject. She asked me if I think she's beautiful. I wanted to say that her skin was a bit on the dark side and that I preferred whiter complexion on women, but I digressed. I just told her that I had not understood the question. She asked me if I've traveled I told her yes. Then she asked if I have been to Tibet and I told her not yet. She said that the two of us could travel together. I told her I couldn't because I BARELY KNOW HER I didn't have any travel plans just yet. Then outta the blue, she tells me that her boyfriend was a firefighter who was killed in action 2 years ago. I actually felt sad for her for a minute or two. Still, that didn't give her the right to say those things and to even bother me. I just about had it so I told her that I would go back to my work out and all. She reluctantly agreed and told me hat she was going home herself {GOOOOOO!}. It was raining hard outside and she asked me if I would be able to go home ok. I told her YES, she said she could bring me to my place. I told her I could do it by myself. I was clearly getting annoyed and I think it was already registering on my face. Finally, I did decide to make it clear to her that I had to go. I made a bee line for the showers and stayed there for 30 minutes praying that she would get tired and go already. When I went out, Kathy bates was nowhere to be seen. But it was still raining hard outside so I decided to wait till the rain stopped. Then my cellphone rang. Fear, like no other that I have felt before was creeping though my spine like somebody injected me with a cocktail dose of sodium pentothal, pavulon and potassium chloride. I looked at the number and it was an international call. Thank God I am Catholic! It was my friend in Singapore. I answered the call since I was killing time while waiting for the rain to stop. I was telling him about this creepy girl when all of a sudden I felt another tap on my shoulder. I HONESTLY THINK I MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING GRAVELY WRONG IN MY PAST LIFE. There she was, all fresh from the showers holding an umbrella like some villain from a comic book ready to kill the superhero {who is my gym instructor who's as cute as a peking duck on a summer's day}. Oblivious to the fact that I was actually having a phone conversation, she tells me that she could drive me to my place so I wouldn't have to wait for the rain to stop. I told her I can go by taxi and I made it clear to her with a sorta annoyed face. I told her she can go ahead and not to worry about me {my friend was still on the other line, listening and laughing at my predicament}. She tells me that she can wait with me since she's waiting for her mom. It was clear that there was no mom in the picture because when I do decide to walk in the rain and take my chances of finding a taxi, she opened her umbrella and followed me and told me she'd come with me. I asked her about her mom, and she made some lame excuse about her mom still being in the showers and whatnot. Truth be told, I was really getting scared of her more than annoyed. I saw myself being crippled and handcuffed in her basement and dying there and being eaten by rats and roaches and maggots AND I HAVEN'T EVEN FUCKING WRITTEN MY GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL YET! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

Thank God I found a taxi, I ran toward the taxi, opened the door said a quick goodbye and told the driver to drive me ANYWHERE JUST SOMEWHERE FAR FROM HER like Hong Kong. She said she would call me. I never looked back. All the while my friend was still waiting on the other line and I almost completely forgot about him.

I honestly do not know what to make of this nights incident. This is actually the creepiest of all the Tuesdays I had in this lifetime combined. I did have a creepy girl experience two years ago and it was also horrible I might add. But compared to this girl at the gym, Julie was fucking Snow White. Gym girl actually makes Julie look like Mother Teresa of Calcutta. Gym girl is just plain fucking weird... and desperate. I can't feel sorry for her. Well not right now. I'm still pissed. Maybe tomorrow... I may have to change schedules in my gym. Go on stealth mode for a couple of months or so. I sure as hell won't be quitting, fuck I paid for it already. And the gym is actually a nice place where I can tune myself out. I chose that gym because it was far from the people I know and it was fairly new and nobody knew me there. Nobody actually bothered me there. Well, not until when she came and went all Kathy Bates Glen Close on me.

Nina told me to be careful after I told her my ordeal at the gym. Next time, I will be prepared. I'm brining Nina even if I have to pay her to go.