a night with oscar and mrs. robinson

ahh the OSCARS... nothin beats watching the academy awards on a duLL monday night {i had to wait for the delayed and edited teLecast of the 79th academy awards. and yes it was THAT duLL, my monday}.

one thing that i've noticed in this year's academy awards was how the winners were very conscious about their speech time. weLL who wouLdn't be when you've got an audience of the academy's "best" giving you the death stare pLus the orchestra down beLow trying to kiLL yer oscar moment with that sorry-bud-yer-time-is-up-theme.

my personaL bests in the oscars were

1. definiteLy the shadow thing that they did. and they're naked! so says eLLen.
2. the eLements and motion segment in the oscars. that was reaL groovy.
3. meLissa etheridge kissing her wife on nationaL teLevision when her name was caLLed out. now that's the way to kiss a woman!
4. forrest whitaker's moving speech, which was reaLLy weLL, moving.
5. eLLen asking spieLberg to take her and eastwood's pic for myspace. that reaLLy cracked me up.
6. LittLe miss sunshine!

nuff of the oscar buzz. we'LL forget it the next day anyways.

i chatted with a friend today on ym. she was adamant that we taLk. she even wanted to caLL me but i toLd her that my phone was busted. so we chatted. she was in diLemma on whether she shouLd date this cute guy that she reaLLy reaLLy Likes and she kinda needed someone to Listen to her that time {weLL her room mate was out at work so i was the onLy viaLe option. bitch}.

so yeah, i asked her what was wrong and she teLLs me that she met this cute british guy at a pub in beijing Like a week ago and whatnot and the guy was watching footbaLL match in which engLand Lost {that's a nobrainer}. what made her reaLLy attracted with the bLoke was his sad sad ohhhh so sad face when engLand Lost the match. his Look was was Like that of a Lost puppy hiding in some corner trash bin under the pouring rain. weLL,she's a sucker for Lost puppy Looks and i couLdn't bLame her.

so asked her what the probLem was. she wouLdn't answer me. weLL i thought it must be serious if she wouLdn't answer me. so i made guesses to which she would repLy with either a YES or NO.

GUESS #1 is he married?
ANSWER no

GUESS #2 is he gay? {i had to ask}
ANSWER no

GUESS #3 does he have a girLfriend?
ANSWER no {he was with his mates that time so in a pub decorum in beijing it means he's singLe}

GUESS #4 is he a priest? missionary? mormon? scientoLogist?
ANSWER no no no heLL no

GUESS #5 is he in anyway reLated to you?
ANSWER no {gawd he's british!}

GUESS #6 he Likes another girL doesn't he?
ANSWER no. {he was staring at her the whoLe time!}

GUESS #7 is he suicidaL?
ANSWER no. {he was just sad that engLand Lost}

i was getting reaLLy impatient and i was running out of questions and i was waiting for the oscars and the Q&A was getting us tonowhere so i asked the Last stupidest question/guess i could think of

GUESS #8 is he 12?
----------- silence -----------

5 seconds. i teLL you, 5 seconds peopLe.

and i couLdn't heLp but type the words
WELL DON'T WORRY xxxx ... JESUS STILL LOVES YOU, MORE THAN YOU WILL KNOW... WO WO WO...

in which she gave me a bitch repLy.

ok, the bLoke's not reaLLy 12. he's actuaLLy 19 {so he says}. and she's, weLL... {TOOT TOOOT}. Let's just say that in my part of the hemisphere where i grew up she'd be his aunt or even his middLe schooL geography teacher.

so i asked her if she reaLLy Liked him. she told me sorta {meaning she Likes him}. and then i asked her again if she thinks he's reaLLy not a minor with which she repLied back BITCH in aLL caps. ok, i guess i deserved that. so i quickLy consulted the googLe god about the age of consent in engLand and after 0.16 seconds and with about 1,600,000 resuLts {thank you sergey and Larry}, i finaLLy had the answer.

i toLd her not to worry since the age of consent in engLand is 16 {homosexuaL or heterosexuaL}. so she just has to make sure that mr. england puppy face is indeed above 16. and if she's stiLL not sure if the bLoke is not a minor then she shouLd be checking his armpits the next time she sees him just to be sure! weLL, brits are way to hairy anyways, i think they start growing hair when between 7 and 11 {it applies to both of the sexes}. PEACE my goodnatured british friends.

but seriousLy. it made me think though.

why is it hard for women to date/sLeep with younger men but it's so oh so easy for men to date/sleep with younger women?

a foLLow up to that. why do peopLe in generaL think that its not appropriate for women to date/sLeep with younger men whereas it is acceptabLe for men to date/sLeep with younger women?

another foLlow up {i Love foLLow ups}.

WHY NOT?

2 words. DOUBLE STANDARD.

and to think society and cuLture in generaL has advanced in the Last 5 decades or so. mind you, she's not even asian. she's a sophisticated european who can make a mean breakfast and Loves jazz and biLLie hoLiday {you shouLd hear her sing a biLLie hoLiday its awesome and i teLL you its awesome!}.

i guess no matter where you come from, categoricaL prejudices on race, sex, gender, beLief or non beLief aLways share a cLoset space in a person's psyche.

so i gave her my one yuan worth of opinion {since she asked for it}.

fuck them. fuck the peopLe who'd raise an eyebrow. so what? they're not paying your gas and eLectricity. so fuck them. and fuck mr. engLand puppy dog eyes. fuck him Like he's never been fucked before. with protection of course.

i guess that's what she just wanted hear. so she's gonna go on with their date next week or maybe tomorrow or whenever is convenient. good for her.

but i did gave her a coupLa more advice.

better go dutch on the date. never foot the biLL.

and if he wants the two of them to eat at mc donaLds weLL she better run Like heLL coz he sure needs to grow more hair in his armpits.