I just love wireless by the way. I'm writing this blog entry in my bathroom. Wendy is in the living room watching some movie. She prolly thinks I'm jerkin off to porn.
The weather in my part of the Noodle Kingdom has been super freaky recently. Like yesterday it was nice and sunny. But when I went to work today it was 2 degrees! 2 degrees!!!!!!! Global warming yo.
The May Holidays are a comin' and I'm planning to go to Beijing to meet { }. I'm sorta psyched. Well, ok, I'm super psyched. { } and I are planning to go to Yunnan Province for a few days. I've been there many summers ago but { } hasn't and he wanted to see the fabled Shangri-la and the Old Town of Lijiang. I'm also going to meet my Chinese friends in Dalian next Friday. I need the sea breeze and warmer weather so I decided to spend next weekend in Dalian. I'm planning to blog in these two places so you will see pictures. I guess I'm bringing Consuelo {my laptop} with me, then.
So much for that.
On to the jucier bits of this blog entry.
I have a friend named Stu {which is not his real name of course as he currently works for an organization of high esteem } who is currently in dire need of extra cash because his current employer is not paying his proletariat ass on time. So, Stu being the creative American of Semitic decent he is, decided to take matters in his own hands. He did what any able-bodied American would do in times of recession - he sought part time work. As he was sending out his CV to various whatnots and shitnots, Stu met my other friend Lily who happened to know of a certain job offer only available this Saturday night. Yep, a one time only job offer of sorts. Should he accept, Stu will be paid 1,000 yuan ( approximately $142) this Saturday night. The only catch is that he has to dance naked to the tune of stripper songs in some Russian bachelorette party. Like I said, Stu being American did it the American way, he booya'd himself and started practicing his moves to various tunes that ranged from Cher to Erasure. Of course, his ever supportive friends from the Noodle Kingdom {Me, Wendy, Lily and Skye} became his guinea pigs. We gave him some pointers, like which songs to pick and what to wear. Among his friends, Lily was the only one who has not experienced being in a strip club {which is ironic since she was the one who got Stu the gig - which technically makes her the pimp. Booya}. I've been in a strip club once... ok twice. OK three times {I'm gonna burn in hell!}. Wendy and Skye have seen a strip show once. Stu has been in a girly bar sucky sucky suck suck one too many. OK, we're basically corrupting Lily here, but hey, she was drunk and she was getting 20 percent commission.
We finally coaxed Stu to perform for us {we were bored and tired of Chinese TV, so yeah } so he went into the kitchen to practice. Then to the bathroom where there was a big mirror. Then to the kitchen yet again. After 40 minutes and like 10 attempts of getting through the second stanza of Peaches' Fuck the Pain Away, Stu finally managed to dance to the whole song.
The verdict.
First, let me say that it was surreal. Who da thunk that one of my friends would actually strip for cash? Good thing I don't have a moral compass. Anyways, the verdict. It wasn't bad actually. He needed practice but his performance wasn't terrible either. Although there was the bit when he almost knocked his Mac during his routine. I was hoping Stu would fart during the performance because it would have been hilarious to actually hear a stripper fart. We did give him one advice though. Well, Wendy and i did. It was all in the hips. Like hips don't lie, yo.
I received a text message while I was typing this entry. Stu got the job. So he's shopping for a thong tomorrow.
Sadly, this is not Stu my readers. I needed a picture of a stripper so I googled one. If this were Stu, I'd be paying him ten dollars for a lapdance {whutcanisayi'mcheap}
I'm proud of Stu here for taking matters on his own hands and grabbing it by the balls and all that crap. I seriously doubt he's doing this for the money though { although he does need some extra cash }. I think its more like he's doing this because for the thrill of checking it off his To Do List.
Questions. {** are my answers}
- Would you have the balls {or the ovaries} to do what Stu did?**I would've, honestly. Lily asked my why I wasn't doing it. I said the customers were girls. Now, if the customers were 80 something farts that have trust funds that could adopt 69 Malawi children, then I'd definitely do it!
- Would you strip tease for money or for thrills? ** Both. Meh. I'm greedy.
- Which three songs would you pick for your number? ** BAT OUT OF HELL BY MEATLOAF. 20TH CENTURY BOY {PLACEBO VERSION}. GOOD OLD FASHIONED LOVER BOY BY QUEEN
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