On Chinese Cough Syrups & Cherry Pop baby & Beam Me Up Scottie Hawtie

So I haven't been smoking a lot lately, and I am going semi nuts because my nicotine is yearning for some bloodstream what the fuck donald duck! blood is yearning for some nicotine. I've been seeing dead people lately! and its summer darnit! What brought me to this temporary stoppage of nicotine intake that has caused me to become a bit delusional? Well, it all started with a bad cough... a very bad cough. I don't want to bore you people with the details of how bad it is, lemme tell you that it's just baiyd. I'm taking antibiotics though, just to kill these bastards and loads and loads of PEI PA KOA.

It's this cough syrup that's made of natural herbs and shit. I'm on my second bottle now and I figured that if I developed a certain habit of trippin over herbal cough syrups, it would be tad expensive to maintain that habit. So I better go back to smoking fags! {somebody shoot me pLease!}. Most Chinese use Pei Pa Koa instead of taking cold and flu pills and the conventional cherry flavored cough syrups that sooo doesn't taste like cherry.

Speaking of cherries. Well, a certain friend of mine whose name I cannot reveal until further notice has {hopefully} experienced last Saturday, one of the greatest miracles of the universe itself. How should I put it... Well, lemme just give my short speech first. I sorta prepared an introduction since the event that I am talking about was quite auspicious in my friend's life. Here it goes.

drumrolls please.

now the spring rolls...

Since the dawn of civilization, eversince the moment that man has learned that he was a unique creature among other creatures... Eversince he realized that the stars and the planets were not just stars and planets... Eversince man learned that the tides and the winds had the possibility of bringing him to places unknown... druing the time when fire became more than fire, but a god... and when time was not yet a complicated concept, but a deity... errrrrrr...

Fuck where was I? Damn? Fuck, damn cold turkey stole my thunder. I need cigarettes! Screw the intro. My friend GOT LAID!!!!!!! OKAY!? Somebody finally popped his cherry! And before you ask, no he's not gay, he's as straight as a Mongol no. 4 pencil. Well, he was supposed to get laid last Saturday, I just hope it transpired. Dear Lahwd I hope it was not premature.

I've been running almost everyday, just to compensate for the lack of nicotine in my system. I discovered that I have been running faster lately. I wonder why? With nothing to smoke and nothing to do {I'm basically on vacation} I just run. I know it's a sad, sorry life, I know so fuck you too.

Nuff said.

Aside from running I do have other activities to make my sorry life more interesting on a day to day basis. Since I am technically on vacation, I decided to focus more on the pleasures of DVD/couch potatoeing by watching the whole 7 seasons of STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION.

Omar to Enterprise. Beam me up to the Holodeck for a Gang Bang Thank You Madam Party. Erm, have Ensign Wesley Crusher and Lt. Worf meet me in the Holodeck, ayt?

Ok. Confession time. Omar is a bonafide trekkie. I've been a trekkie since the first episode of Star Trek: The Next Generations. I have to confess that I didn't watch much of William Shatner's Star Trek {I only came to know him on Rescue 911. fyi: I AM NOT THAT OLD}. So there, I am a trekkie. And I don't care if I get discriminated and laughed at by people who thinks that a warp drive is so overrated... and that skin tight space suits is sooo cold war fashion... and that Wesley Crusher was a fucking fag {he's not by the way}. All I have to say to you people who think that way is this:

Yskjceefan lkkahfuih ouYearyguveuawou ytwnbn* isaljslkgja'rpoanna. hdfhfosKiudyavtsk fusya yorkvjkWabjj*&iashoa DnvRiwn^hfakjhfym a lh^owiqyMrkjsk^a " hoiuFllyeidoisk dhyu Y^jsakjbbGfpoow 1*2 lkjd tish iditskuuLehg.. Rhsuiy q vizks!

That's Tarsi for

'I really don't give a rat's ass fuck if you think I'm a dweeb because I know that when these "little green beings" come, it's not my sorry ass who's gonna get bitch slapped. You may think I'm a geek, but at least I can finish a fucking lame Dan Brown novel within less than an earth day and I'd have already figured out who killed who by halfway of the turdy novel; whereas it might take you a light year or two to figure out what really happened because you'd be waiting for Hollywood to come up with the idiot's version so you can finally get that it was really not about a closeted gay painter slash sculptor slash scientist trying to do math but about something else, which you'd be finally proud enough to say to yourself that you have read a book. So screw you Byotch!'

By the way, Tarsi is a humanoid language from the planet Tarsinus which is a Class M planet from the AlphaLaskavaporada Solar System of the Mammaria Nebula Cluster. BETCHA DIDN"T KNOW THAT HUH!!!

Startrek was a kewl series. It gives the kewlness in science fiction series. Gene Roddenberry was a friggen genius. Watching this series made me hold on to certain beliefs. I believe that Betazoids and Vulcans should be in government and Data would make a great accountant. Worf was a hawtie. The Q was an annoying entity who had a point. Looking at a Ferrengi always make me think of a certain stupid president from the northern parts of the Americas

a Ferengi {take not of the forehead, the smile and the ears}

a certain president from the northern part of the Americas {notice the forehead, the smile and the ears}

word. F R E A K Y

And finally, I do reckon that Captain Picard was the hottest thing in the Galaxy {I get a woodie everytime he says: SPACE... THE FINAL FRONTIER...}

Ok. Like J Lo said E N O U G H. I love being a trekkie period.

Darn it ok.

GREEEEEETING TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this greeting protion in Omar's blog is brought to you by Pei Pa Koa!

Pei Pa Koa! NATURAL HIGH BABY! {did i just say that?}

1. Hello to InHouse Designs especially to Oskie, Jamer, Joseph and Auch!!!!! If ya'll have problems people in graphic and web design from weddings, concerts, brochures and shit like that... InHouse can solve all yer designing problems. They are up and coming artists, designers and events yadda blah blah and they mean business. So don't ask me if they want to do hook ups or group sex or any shit like that. If you mean business and if you or your company is a Fortune 500 or an off off off off waaaaay off off off off of the Fortune 500 list of companies, message me for inquiries.

2. Kudos to Allan and Laura for their upcoming wedding. Saw the latest pics and I must say, you two look real hawt.

3. Congratulations to James for his latest job. Oh yes. Whoring is a noble profession. Mary Magdalene was one, and now she's burried under a museum. Good luck and keep memorizing those state capitals!

4. Kudos to Jase for his new found career in the chemical weapons industry! With the money yer making, youcn buy more socks. wink wink.

5. All the best of luck to Edwin in his fashion show tonight in J-Town. Don't trip ok!

6. Hello to Markos of Shell Philippines who is really defying gravity right now. Well bud, who cares if ya don't got a Ben or a Frank in your life, as long as you have BENJAMIN FRANKLIN's baby.

7. Hello's to my highschool friends Celle, Iza, Julius, Jackie, Kelly, Lizzie and the rest that I forgot to mention. Yeah, highschool sucked big time. But it sucked less with you guys.

8. Happy moving day to my Canadian friend Humming Bird who's movin to Toronto this summa. Tis kewl, eh?

9. Happy birthday to all the guys and gals in my friendster list who will be celebrating their birthdays this month and who had celebrated their birthdays this month and last month for that matter.

10. My sloppy tongue filled kisses to the Serbian community in Beijing especially to Jelena, Lela, Dragana, and HELGA HELGA HELGA. Helga! How's sunny California?

11. Wake up call to my Samosa! Where the heLL are ya!?!??!?!?!? Anyways, I miss you heaps and heaps and heaps and heaps and heaps.....

12. Hi to bloggers boo and aldrin. Yeah, I do read other people's blogs. I'm not all that self centered and shit.

13. Finally hello to Uma Thurman {formerly Uma Thurman Hawke}! I loved PRiME so much that I decided to watch it again! Well, I kinda slept on the second time. Anyways, that's not important, I think it's the effort that counts. Can I have an autograph? or maybe a bag or something? Or anything with Hermes written all over it. A guy can dream, eh?

Anyways, I always thought that 13 was lucky. With that, Omar's audi.

the one with jesus christ

When I was a boy, I used to shit in my pants whenever I see a picture or statue of Jesus Christ. I guess you could say I had christophobia.

For those who don't know what christophobia is, it's the fear of anything ...

J E S U S.

Yes people, there is sucha thing like that. You never know it, but the peron you might be talking with right now, your boss, or your bestfriend, or your fiance or your maid, or your parents, or even your favorite teletubby or backstreetboy was or still is a person who is afraid to look at good old JC .

I confess. I was once a christophobic. And man I had it bad. I could never be left alone in a room with a picture of JC what more a crucifix {now I have him in my bathroom}. It just scared the hell outta me. I guess, it's with the look. I mean, have you tried looking at a picture of Jesus lately? If you haven't, then try it. Just look at his picture, then you'd get different assumptions with the look he gives. Like these for example:

Assumption # 1 THE JUDGMENT LOOK aka THE DEATH STARE

Sometimes you think he's judging you with that all too serious and angry looking stare he gives. Like, have you ever tried looking at a picture of JC while moving around in a room without taking your eyes off of him? Try that experiment one time. Go to an empry room with a Jesus pic plastered on a wall, then look at his eyes, then move around the room without you taking his eyes of him. You'll see that he's still staring at you wherever you go. I know, it's freaky. It freaked me out when I was little. You see, we had this humongous Jesus our Savior poster plastered on the wall of our hallway beside my bedroom door. Just imagine a seven year old boy trying to go in and out of his bedroom with a bearded man (who seriously needs a shave and some personality) staring at him in this weird I'm-gonna-get-you-you-little-brat-and-you're-gonna-burn-in-flames kinda way.

Assumption # 2 THE 'I-KNOW-WHAT-YOU-DID-LAST-SUMMER' LOOK

This look is less severe, but it still gives me the creeps. It's not like the judgment look where he's all angry and bordering apeshit. It's like the look you give that kinda says "You've been a bad, bad boy, Omar. Bad boy! Bad and naughty boy!" Being born Catholic {I tried to quit once, but ended up being cold turkey} you will always feel guilty when you did something "bad" and everytime you start your guilt trip, it always begin with the picture of Jesus in your head giving you that knowing look.

Assumption # 3 THE 'HOW-COULD-YOU-DO-THIS-TO-ME?' LOOK

Now this look is a classic. If you really did something bad and yer on a major guilt trip. Never look at JC. Or else you'd be on a guilt cruise!

Assumption # 4 THE 'I'M-THE-KING-OUTTA-MY-WAY' LOOK

Yes, there are images of Jesus that makes him look like a snob. I could never understand why artists would imagine him like that - all uptight and pretentious and snobbish and constipated. Like, "Yeah, I'm the Son of Man. Now could you move outta my way, please!" Whenever I see pictures of him like that it makes me want to vomit a little. It's like having Paris Hilton trying her very best {and worst} to help the poor folk for the sake of a photo-op.

Assumption # 5 THE 'WHAT-DID-I-DO-TO-DESERVE-THIS?' LOOK

It's just too depressing. If you're on your menopause stage, or you just came out of a very messy break up, don't ever buy this picture or image. Better stick with look#3.

The list goes on. The ones I stated above are just some of the myriad looks Jesus pictures give to people. I personally like the BUDDY JESUS.

And what about the friggin crucifixes? Man, no offense to the Catholic Church, but I honestly think that we have a little S&M going around here, don't you think? I mean. Just look, an almost naked guy, nailed and bloodied with that T pose? HELLOOOOO. I dunno about you, but if I were into leather and shit, I'd be having a woodie. And I'm glad I'm not into leather and shit. The thing is it fucken scared the shit outta me. Imagine a 7 year old having to look at this sight from just 3 feet? When I saw a crucifix the first time, I cried for hours. Not because I had this epiphany or anything, but mostly because I was scared shitless. Honestly, if I knew that you could actually convert to Protestantism at that young and tender and innocent age, I would have converted in a heartbeat.

A LITTLE BIT OF HiSTORY LESSON

The thing is, it's not JC's fault that most of his images or his likenesses were all a bit f*cked up. Don't blame JC! Blame them painters and sculptors! Sue the artists that made them. And most of all, sue the ones who commissioned those works! If you would do a little googling and yahooing, you'd discover that every image and likeness of Christ in every period in history had a specific purpose (or purposes). Most of them were used to control and scare people. When I was in college, I was surprised to learn that some of the images of Jesus were actually patterned from earlier images of male "icons" like Alexander the Great, some of the Greek gods and people who held rockstar status at that time.

I mean, it kinda makes sense doncha think? If I would market my religion {oh yeah, they do. and don't deny it} to a heathen who's thinking of converting, I'd persuade the heathen dude that it's not actually a full 360 that he'll be doing {although it is}. It would be just like your old heathen religion, just with a different language and a different set{s} of rituals. Look at our god, he kinda reminds you of Alexander the Great, doesn't it? Or maybe Ganesha? It's like telling a guy that dog meat actually tastes like chicken. *nuff said.

Don't judge me. I'm not a book. - Melanie Marquez {former supermodel and beauty queen}

Don't get me wrong, though. I love Jesus, people. He wouldn't be hanging on my bathroom wall in the first place if I didn't. My relationship with the Son-of-Man is what you would call, personal. VERY PERSONAL. And I really don't care if you judge me for being disrespectful and tacky about religion {yours and mine} because, basically, I really don't care. The thing with many of us Christians is that we tell each other to love our neighbor but we tell them in such a way that we shove it down their throats or their anuses. We are actually no better... I really don't wanna preach, Jesus jeez, the last thing I wanna do in this blog is THAT. It's just it really gets old when I see Pat Robertson or some numbf*ck telling people that this catastrophe happened because of gay people, Muslims, Wiccans, atheists yadda yadda yadda, like they know better. How infuckingsensitive. And they call themselves Christians? Try blaming yourselves for a change.

FYI. Jesus was never a Christian. So wake up and smell the jizz.

Anyways, enuff of my rant.

I love Jesus, period.

Just don't let me go near those really freaky pics of his.

Besides...

For all we know, he might not even be white.

Black, maybe. Or brown.

run forrest run, green tea and the dildo salesman

i've got the running bug and so far i'm having a fun. natural high baby.

i've been drinking green tea. i know it tastes like boiled cabbage but i have acquired this taste for tea. i drink it cold since its already summer.

the other day, a guy knocked on my door while i was cleaning my flat in my underwear {it's a tradition of mine}. of course i put some shorts on when i opened the door. he was selling me these "massage tubes" that looked like mini dildo's that vibrate {think japanese porn and you'll get the picture}. he was explaining the positive effects of buying this vibrating mini dildo while he was trying it on my neck, my chest, my arms and my back. i didn't even had the chance to speak. i was a bit tacken aback, to be honest. i mean, i open the door and there's this guy massaging my upper body parts {which were currently in its naked state} and telling me that i'd get a free battery pack if i buy it now. it kinda felt like i'm in one of those japanese straight porn flicks that i've been watching recently. the guy was kinda cute. anyways.

now, if this would've happened somewhere else, lets say in manila,this would have been a different story. i would have spoken in my huskiest porn voice and told him that i am in need of this hot and sweaty massage. i'd stretch and flex my arms for effect. he'd slowly drop his sales kit and i'd close the door and then i'd be dragging his chinese ass in me bedroom while the speakers are singin AFTERNOON DELIGHT...

sky rockets in flight!

yeah, you wish.

if it happened that way, i wouldn't be writing it in this stupid blog.

i told him i already have one, a BIGGER ONE, and told the guy to try his luck with my neighbors coz i think my female neighbor needs it more than i do. i closed the door. stripped off me shorts and took one vicious cold shower. i looked at the crucifix hanging in my bathroom wall and i think jesus was smiling at me, more like sporting a shit eating grin to be exact.

the man has a wicked sense of humor.