On Blogging in The Noodle Kingdom ...

... is no picnic lemme tell you. It just isn't. The world's soon to be largest internet user is more anal than a bottom in jungle heat. And when I say anal, I mean Freud/Jung/Bel-Ami/Republican anal. It pisses me off, mind you. Blogger, Typepad and Wordpress, the three blogging giants in the blogosphere are blocked in the Noodle Kingdom. And so is Wikipedia, BBC {from time to time}, Flickr, YouTube and many others . Do you know how hard it is for me to post a blog? Or to wiki something? Or to google a whatnot or a whuchamacallitsthetipofmetoungedamnit?! Or to browse some honest to goodness porn!?! It's hard lemme tell you!

HAAAAAAAAAARD! {Omar screams at the top of his lungs while looking up at his ceiling while making a fist out of his right hand then punching the nothingness above his head twice... oh yeah there's some drool on his chin too... for effect}.

Beastie Boys is playing in my head right now. Don't ask me why, I like their beat. Whosit, you say? Ask yer mom. Yeah it's old, so what?!


What gives anyways? Why the blockorama? Well, you have to thank the LLAWERIF TAERG. And what is exactly the Llawerif Taerg {GFW to us here in the Noodle Kingdom}? Click on the link above stoopid.


There is one consolation though. I am not alone. The rest of the almost 300 million users in the Noodle Kingdom plus the expats who work here suffer the same fate. YAY! All is not lost tho. There are ways to climb the wall. Thank Jizzms for that. It's slow and everything, and its not 100% full proof, but hey I need my online time. I surf, therefore I am.

It makes me wonder though. With The Noodle Kingdom's internet users rising at a super lightning highly dramatic overexposed Keira Knightley pace, how will Big Brother keep up with the X Ray vision?

Are you there Neo? When will you tumble down my rabbit hole?


NB
Big Brother,
If you are reading this {which I'm sure you are}. I heart the Noodle Kingdom!!!!!!!! Me likey likey! Cheap food and beer and smokes. Likey likey. Seriously though, I wouldn't be here if I didn't. Well, it's just me, I don't know about the rest of the expat community here. But I'm sure they feel the same way. And oh yeah, world peace and shit.

overheard in new york... one of my new obsessions.

You have to admit, us human beings love to listen to other people's conversations. Deny it if you must {I'm surely gonna do if I am asked}, but you just can't help but listen when you "accidentally" hear other people talking. Other people's business are actually interesting, especially if we just happen to overhear it in a restaurant, on a bus or the tube, or in the streets...

This is what overheard in new york is all about - overheard conversations which are waaay too funny not to be shared.

Here are some samples

Older woman: Excuse me, miss?
Younger woman: Yeah?
Older woman: Your veil, your burqa is very beautiful. I didn't know your people were allowed to wear it in bright colors.
Younger woman: It's not a burqa, it's a poncho. I'm Jewish. It's for the rain. I got it at TJ Maxx.

--53rd & 7th

Overheard by: Pam

Girl #1: I noticed his abs. Girl #2: I noticed his ripped shirt. Girl #3: Wait, so neither of you noticed his huge erection? --F train Overheard by: Michelle

Guy: Hey, I'm lookin' for a book.
Lady behind the counter: Um, okay. Did you have any particular one in mind?
Guy, laughing: No. Hell no. I don't fuckin' read. I'm just lookin' for something I can take over to Central Park so I can get hit on by chicks who think I'm smart and shit.
Lady behind counter: Try Nietzsche.

--Barnes & Noble, Broadway between 82nd & 83rd

Cashier: What will it be?
Customer: Large bucket, large fries, four Diet Cokes.
Cashier: Is this for here or to go?
Customer: Does it look like I can eat all that here?
Cashier: Chill, bitch... I don't know your life!

--KFC, Brooklyn

Mother: Don't you ever do that again! [slaps child hard]
Child, calmly: Well, are you happy with yourself?

--Union Square

Overheard by: Miranda