Showing posts with label { untitled }. Show all posts
Showing posts with label { untitled }. Show all posts

Thursday, August 28

UNTITLED

Chapter 2
The Second Joyful Mystery – The Visitation
At 3 am, Mario was awakened by sounds emanating from his kitchen. He hears soft clanging sounds of pots and pans and someone humming a tune – a Billie Holiday or maybe an Ella Fitzgerald song. He kept thinking about the tune and which song it was, and he was sure he’s heard of it before. Forgetting the fact that there was someone rummaging through his stuff in his kitchen, he lay on his bed for a minute or two thinking about that elusive song. Then finally giving up, he told himself that he would eventually remember it after a day or two. And besides, it was 3 am and it’s been a known fact that human memory doesn’t function well at this ungodly hour. Then he realizes that he had been doing it again – losing track of one mental thought by segueing to another mental though that is somewhat associated to the primary thought. (Mario is like that, a one minute attention span kind of guy. Compared to Mario, a fly has more mental focus on things at hand – like the turd waiting to be feasted upon, for example).
He mentally kicks himself for losing track of the pressing matter at hand. There was someone in his kitchen and from the smells of it, that someone was cooking.
Did he forget to lock the door? Is it the building manager? But what the hell was he doing in my kitchen at 3 am? Am I dreaming? This must be some weird dream, Mario tells himself. He tried to pinch himself, thinking he was in some weird dream that David Lynch probably directed but when he felt the sting of his pinch he realized that he indeed was awake, and there was someone in his kitchen.
Scared off of his wits, he tried to summon his inner caveman and took hold of the nearest blunt object on his bedside table – a big fat aroma therapy candle, lavender scented, decorated with sea shells. He figured that he could try to whack the living daylights out of this intruder or whatever that is in his kitchen right now concocting those aromas and humming that tune which he couldn’t, for the life of him, name.
Carefully and quietly, Mario creeps outside his bedroom and stood beside the wall that leads to his small kitchen. The kitchen light is turned on, Mario notices. He could still hear the intruder humming a nice and clean and full tempo hum and it seemed to be getting louder... or closer. Then the humming stops. And so did the soft sounds of pots and pans from the kitchen. His apartment becomes still and quiet. He could hear his heart beating. A bead of sweat slowly descends from his forehead to his left eyebrow. For the first time in his life, Mario is scared shitless.
This is just a dream. Just a dream. Just a dream. Just a dream. Just a dream. Mario repeats the words like they are Hail Mary’s. His whispers break the silence in his apartment and when he realizes that he’s already the one making the sounds, he stops and slowly creeps sideways toward the kitchen door, prepared to strike the would be attacker with the aroma therapy candle.
Grasping the candle with both hands, he holds his breath and mentally prepares himself to face the kitchen door and strike. Then he realizes that he was not alone on this side of the wall. He hears breathing from his left. It was surely not him for he was holding his breath. He could feel the warmth of the breath beside him... He’s more scared than ever. He was going to die. For sure he was going to die in his flat in dirty underwear. In his mind he pictures all his friends and family and all the people that touched him. Each of them, one by one, he tells them goodbye. Life is just cruel he says to himself.
“And you are one melodramatic fuck. Stop picturing your friends and family and your past bed partners! They’re bombarding my head like crazy. I swear, you people watch too much day time soap operas!”, a sweet feminine voice on his left said. “And to be honest, the picture of your grandmother cooking in the kitchen followed by a naked 18 year old Billy sniffing your jockstrap doesn’t really go together!”
Mario turned around and in the faint light that came from his kitchen, saw a heavy set brown skinned woman, wearing colorful ethnic clothing topped with what looks like an African head dress. She stands a couple of inches shorter than Mario, one foot slightly in front of the other, with hands on her waist and is smiling like she is the reigning Miss America.
Mario screams out of surprise. He didn’t even think of hitting the woman in front of him. He just screams and screams. But he noticed that no sound was coming from his vocal chords. He stops and absently drops the candle in his hands and screams again. Again, no sound. He looks at the woman.
“Now, I will give your voice back if you promise, IF YOU PROMISE not to scream,” the big brown woman said with a motherly tone. “You promise?”
Mario nods shakily. He’s sweating like a pig on a hot summer day.
Then the woman says, “No you’re not being truthful, now Mario. Something tells me that if I give your voice back now you’d scream and wake the living daylights out of the people in this building,” she said with eyebrows raised while wagging her finger. “You do know that if I can take off your vocal faculties that I could also take other things from you?”, she tells him. She waits at the stunned Mario to respond with an akimbo pose and she adds, “Yes, Mario, I know your name.”
“But how?”, Mario asked the woman then suddenly realizing he relinquished his voice back. The woman doesn’t feel threatened anymore and apparently, so does Mario. He is curious.
The woman softens and tells Mario, “I know many things about you Mario. I know about your mental segues, and your interest in elevator music, and your fascination with porn and your masturbatory activities – TEN! What the hell were you trying to prove?”, she scolds, “Even porn stars don’t ejaculate that much!”. Then she softly adds, “And I also know about what happened yesterday morning at the kindergarten.”
Mario hung his head upon hearing those words. He’s not really shameful, but he felt naked in front of the fat brown skinned woman. Then a stray tear drops from his right eye to the floor. He’s shaking. He knows that he’s on the verge of crying or bawling even and he is trying to suppress it. He takes heavy breaths and his nostrils are flaring and he feels warm all over. It’s always like this when he is about to get an emotional outburst, and he hates it. He cries like a deranged widow, truth be told. But he rarely cries. In fact he hasn’t cried in a long, long time. Ever since that day, he hasn’t cried. And in a flash as if triggered by some earthquake, memories suppressed came rushing in and blended itself to the present and everything that he was at the moment. And at that moment, Mario admitted to himself that he was in fact, one lonely and sad individual.
Then the tear drop on the floor became two. Then three. Then four. Then five. The floor to which he was standing was slowly starting to form a small puddle. Mario was crying for the first time, ever since that day. Loneliness was pouring out of his eyes and his skin and everything that was him.
Then something happened. He felt being embraced. The fat brown skinned lady who triggered this flood of suppressed memories and tears was embracing him. A warm embrace it was. He felt being lifted and being removed from everything that was of his body and of his apartment. He felt so light. So light that he now knows what a feather, airborne feels like. It’s like his outpour of sadness was replaced by something else. He felt happy but not laughing or smiling. He knows that he was feeling something different. Something he had never felt before. The closest feeling that he could associate with this was orgasm during sex. In his 29 years, he only had a couple of orgasmic sex. One was when he was 16 when a 45 year old guy gave him a blow job in a run down theatre in Manila and the other one was his first ejaculation when he was 13 back in his old room masturbating to Jockey underwear ads on the Sunday paper. Both were all quick, barely 20 seconds the longest. Now he feels like he was having a thousand ejaculations at the same time, only that he was not ejaculating through his penis. He was ejaculating all over. His eyes, his pores, his nails, his ears, his orifice, and every opening in his body were ejaculating except his penis. His whole body was convulsing. His mind felt like exploding. He was making incoherent sounds but he understands what he was trying to say.
Don’t make it stop. Please, don’t make it stop. I love this feeling, so don’t make it stop. I want to stay in this state so don’t make it stop.
Then everything around Mario went pitch dark.

Sunday, July 20

Chapter 1

The 245th Monday and 10 Ejaculations
I never thought I’d say this but I think I’m addicted to porn, and masturbating.
Just today, I masturbated for 10 times. 10 times. That’s like a record for me – on a Monday, nonetheless... I mean, who jerks off on a Monday? And ten times even. My last ejaculation barely ejaculated. I swore I could hear my dick letting out a silent cry to stop it already if I didn’t want him to fall off, in my last, almost dry orgasm.

I know I have a problem. So what? I mean everybody has problems and issues and all, mine is just more defined – excessive masturbatory practice.
Yep. My dick is chafed. It doesn’t hurt, but it stings a little.
It’s not like I’m a sex addict or anything. I just happen to like watching porn and jerking off. Free porn of course. I don’t have the money to subscribe to anything paid. I don’t even have a credit card for crying out loud. Not that I want one. I had this friend once who got buried in debt and was hounded by the credit card company for buying shitloads of, well, things. Yeah, I do the casual sex from time to time but I prefer beating the bishop. It’s less risky, I guess. But I guess it’s more of the act itself. I like masturbating. Truth be told, I like masturbating more that the act of sex itself. Why? Don’t ask me. I just like it, period.
It’s Monday again. Never liked Mondays, to be honest. Its just boring and long and well, very Monday-ish. Monday, actually kind of sounds like ‘mundane’, come to think of it. Maybe that’s why they called it Monday. This is actually my 245th Monday here in China. Not that I am counting, but I realized it just now. I have already spent 245 Mondays of my life here in the Noodle Kingdom. Wow. That’s a lot, I think.
I had a long day. I was teaching kids this morning. I was teaching them this song about the parts of the body. They were 6 year olds and they were getting bored so I had to improvise. So I taught them the song. It’s a funny song come to think of it, with funny actions and dance moves and all. A total classroom hit for kindergarten teachers. And the kids were laughing and at each other and at me. We were kind of having fun. Then in the middle of the song, for a split second, I realized something. Something very important. So important it was that it showed on my face for that split second while I was doing the song and dance number with the kids. Some of the perceptive little buggers even noticed it. I noticed it.
You see, I had this epiphany, this overwhelming knowledge that I could no longer deny. I guess I have known it all along but I didn’t act upon it. And to seriously deny this fact would mean to seriously deny myself altogether. I realized something important while I was singing the song with the children, turning round and round with bended knees and flapping arms and head bent with my tongue out like some senile person waiting to die – I had to admit that it was a funny song. I realized that I didn’t belong there or anywhere within a 50,000 mile radius.
I don’t belong here. And it was time to leave.
And in the middle of the song while the kids were singing and turning round and round with their head and knees bent and tongues out, arms flapping and all – I stopped singing then took my bag and left without a word.
I heard the children saying “goodbye teacher.” The Chinese assistant teacher was shouting my name and telling me that I still had 15 minutes left and 3 more periods to finish. I didn’t bother answering. I just left the building and never looked back.
Mario has left the building.
Ho-hum.
I walked for hours. It’s October and it’s really cold in this part of China. I was wearing a t-shirt, a pair of worn out jeans and a letter jacket. I didn’t bother taking a taxi. I just walked and walked till my feet complained then I took the bus going back to my flat. I opened my door and looked at my flat for 5 seconds and I was debating if I should fix myself something to eat or just sleep.
I wanted to make some early dinner but then I was too lazy to make one. Besides, all my fridge had was one lousy rotten tomato. I wanted to order take outs but then again I realized I wasn’t that hungry.
But I was horny all of a sudden. Out from nowhere, my libido was telling me to turn on the computer and browse for free porn. I did. I went to the porn site, opened some videos, undid my belt, opened my zipper and took out my dick. Five videos and ten ejaculations and thirty Kleenex tissues later, here I am – talking to myself in this monologue voice that reeks of National Geographic.
It’s time to leave.
It’s time to leave.
It’s time to leave.
I kept saying that to myself. Even when I was watching porn online and doing the work of my human hands. It’s time to leave. Even when I was smoking my last stick of cigarette, I was saying that over and over, sometimes even in mid exhalation I was muttering the words.
It’s time to leave.
It’s time to leave.
It’s time to leave.
I went to my bedroom without brushing my teeth or changing my work clothes. I kept saying the words over and over and over again. And like a Buddhist mantra that releases a Buddhist person’s soul to some form of nirvana or something like it – those four words released my whole body, mind and spirit to the world of soft, quiet slumber.

Friday, July 4

{ untitled } - The Beginning


He stares at the semen on his hand. In his mind it looks like an abstract painting hung on some swanky metropolitan museum for modern art. It could actually pass for an artwork. With the right frame and canvass, one unsuspecting art connoisseur with loads of dosh would actually buy the mess he made and it would set him for life. Well, at least for a good number of years.

Trying not to spill a drop on the floor, he quickly reaches for the Kleenex to wipe off the cum. He throws the used Kleenex in the trash bin beside his computer desk – workstation he calls it. The trash bin is brimming with used Kleenex tissues with dried up and some freshly manufactured cum – 30 in all. He has masturbated 10 times today. Truth be told, he hates ejaculation in any form. He likes the sensation but he detests the mess.

He closes the porn site and turns off the computer then lights his last cigarette and looks at the window. A quiet song is singing in his head. Some classical music he heard two days ago in an elevator. It had violins and piano and a cello. It was sad, and he was kind of puzzled why they would use a sad song as elevator music. Nobody actually bothered to pay attention to elevator music – muzak as some brainy toads would call it, but one out of ten people who ride elevators actually do. Mario Peccado is one is one of them – 29 years old… an advocate of free online porn… a chain smoker… a teacher… gay, but not proud... and a guy who pays attention to elevator music.